holding out

i cant house this feeling in my head any longer
i want to but i cant
i wish i was stronger
from an outsider's perspective im a fucking goner
but i'll be cryptic to make the gods ponder.
lingering, waiting
for those final flows
my best friends and family ditching me for hoes,
im fighting this feeling as it drips to my toes
it flows from the wound and it sticks to the clothes.
stop slicing me!
i cant muffle my scream anymore
i feel so stupid, immature, and poor
wronger than some sick ass fucking rapist,
im trying to hard- i dont have to take this.
you're lying too much
i cant believe you would make this.
im such a fool for trying to fake this.

alone on another saturday evening
listening to rap and watching the cieling
healing, stealing, and cleaning up this shit hole,
no not my room,
my godforsaken soul.
its become tangled up and heavier than coal
even if it were gold
it couldn't be sold due to extreme surface damage
but if you dig deep to where the thoughts cant effect it
its a lot cleaner than the rest of their shit.
its pure, its good, its happy as hell,
trying to explain and not to tell,
trying to scream but not to yell,
its hard work to be done
before the sun
blows up in our ugly faces.
lets face it.
nobody can say it will all be okay
because im not that fucking dumb.
and nobody will say
here come this way
because they'll all be dead and gone.
so long,
nice to know ya
wish i could trust you so i could show you this crazy thing called love
the broken remains of this porcelein dove.
who said love was great?
i think times are late.
wait..
i cant shake this off
im trying to heal
but still I cough,
and my fever is through the roof.
its my aquarian side,
im too damn aloof.
emotionally detached and out of sync,
im still looking for my missing link.
a partner in crime whos there every time i feel like spitting my shit
to push me not to quit
to keep my smile brightly lit.
its almost an impossible task.
youre too young katie.
youre too smart for your age.
the most cash you can mak is minimum wage
and your still living in your parents cage,
and cant be let loose yet.
they hate you because youre a threat.
threatening the way the world works.
you dont tollerate poisonous dirt.
you laugh all the time
you cant commit crime because your concience is loud as hell
and when they see you it aint hard to tell
that a revolution is in our midst.
the future is last on their priorities list
and your accentuating their flaws
question the laws.
rules were meant to break.
and if it continues there will me no lakes.
no oceans, no trees
just paper and plastic
go ahead, make your choice,
meanwhile i'll wreak havoc
goddamn girl
you're so fucking dramatic
stop rustling up dust in humanities attic
no
cant avoid this
let my words be your death kiss
wreck this, set this goal,
this limit to fix this
because when its all said and done
youre going to miss this.